When I Feel like Quitting...
Updated: Nov 11, 2019
"I was born with an enormous need for affection and a terrible need to give it."
During the last week I've felt a darkness looming overhead.
It only took a few bogus emails I thought would be potential appointments to get my mind jogging.
Those are things many women and men experience in this industry. No big deal!
Many suitors think we are successful all year round, that there's a booming market for intimacy on demand.
The truth is a bit unclear.
As we all know spending time with a companion is a luxury, not an essential need. This leads to ebb and flow within the industry. One day you are up, I mean way up.
You feel as if you are on top of the world, unstoppable, dare I say you feel loved and appreciated.
All you've done is not in vain! Market research anyone? Creating your "niche."
The effective marketing tactics you've learned, logging into your persona every waking hour via social media, dieting, exercising. Preparing for photo shoot, staging/styling said photo shoot.
Forking over X amount for your shoot only to have a candid iPhone selfie receive more recognition because only now are you seen as a "real person" and not some fantasy creature.
But isn't that what they wanted all along?
The fantasy that's within a few strokes of a keyboard.
But living, breathing, flawless ready and willing to do whatever, whenever.
Look pretty. Be real. Be hot. Have fun!
It all looks so easy breezy?
A whirlwind of romance with your suitors, attention from lovers and friends alike.
You are well received, your fans understand you!
The bookings are rolling in!
You've made it as a companion. You are that b*tch. You figured it out!
You broke the code!
A few days pass, a couple of weeks go by, weeks morph into months.
It's been slow. There's a recession on the horizon according to Fox News.
Quick, better upload some more selfies to showcase the "real you."
Everyone hates you. You worry about making ends meet.
Consider offering a "special" to get business going again.
What an exhausting cycle of admiration, glory, anxiety, and silence.
To be completely honest with you the reader, I am very lucky to be a part-time companion.
I applaud women, men, and non binary folks who decide to live this wildly wonderful yet unpredictable lifestyle.
Now that I am out of this funk I realize that's it is all apart of a process.
I know I will be back to this dark place again as I edit this blog I definitely have since the original posting.
Those are the breaks when putting yourself into the world of companionship and professional dating.
We are judged harshly and rewarded highly.
We put ourselves out there at the risk of being outed, raped, robbed or even murdered.
We fight the good fight for bodily autonomy.
We appreciate all the good and bad parts of this job.
We will survive. We always do and we always will. We are a strong group.
During these down times I will bring positivity to the forefront of my mind.
I will remember the extravagant shopping trips,
small gifts, let's not forget the fly me to you dates.
Remember that time you gave me a thank you card as we parted ways or that new bourbon you saw and thought enough of me to buy it and sample together.
Even the time when you handed me your phone to Cashapp myself an extension for our time together after we had many, many drinks!
You do trust me. You do enjoy our time together.
I am thankful for you.
You do know me and you do care about me as I care about you.
One of the reasons I decided to become a companion was the fulfillment it brings when you've made a genuine connection with an individual.
For those few hours everything is about gratitude.
We are grateful to have found each other and hopeful to meet each of our needs.
We ultimately create our own reality.
My current and future suitors, the experiences they provide me, the additional income
I am blessed to receive are a reminder that even on the darkest days, there's a silver lining.
I would not have it any other way.